Cruise Jokes

I am sure you have heard of a few good jokes about cruises!
Send us an email with your favourite and we will publish it here.

BOOZE CRUISE - African Style

An old lady was standing at the railing of a cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, Maam, I do not intend to be forward, but do you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the old lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But Maam, you must know that your tush is exposed!" The old lady looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. This hat was only bought yesterday!"

Some people certainly ask stupid questions!
These questions have been asked on numerous cruises around the world - Enjoy!

Where at the airport does the ship drop us off ?
What time do the dolphins appear?
Does the lift stop at the front of the ship?
What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?
Does the electricity come from generators?
answer...No Maam, we have a long power cable connected to the mainland!
What do we do with these luggage tags?
Do you grow your own food onboard?
Do they play music in the disco?
Do these steps go up or down?
Will I get wet when I go snorkeling?
Does the crew live onboard?
Is the island surrounded by water?
What time is the Midnight Buffet?
Can I use the money I won at the casino?
I am allergic to fish. Can I eat the prawn cocktail?
Must I get dressed for the formal dinner party?
Why is the pool water salty?
Does the ship have head lights?
How does the Captain see where he is going at night?
Does the Captain have a parrot?
What happens if the ship gets a flat tyre?
You say I have an outside cabin - What happens if it rains?
Will I die if I get sea sick?

An elderly couple was on a cruise and the weather was really stormy. They were standing at the stern of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. The crew searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"